My wife was gone for two weeks recently visitng and arranging some affairs for her mother in upstate NY. During the time she was gone I got to watch my own boys and my grand children. Needless to say by the time she was supposed to fly home last Thursday I was MORE than anxious to see her beautiful face and resubmit control of the house to her.

Her flight back on Thursday had a stop over in Atlanta Georgia to change planes. The carrier was Delta Airlines (sucks). When they arrived in Atlanta they were told their final flight to Seattle was going to be delayed by twenty minutes. Twenty minutes later it became 30 more minutes. Then it became two hours…I think you can see where I am going here. When she tried to verify the delay with a gate agent he looked at her and replied,

“Well unless you see something on the board different than what I do I guess it is late”.

What a dick huh?

Ok so anyhow….she was supposed to be at Sea Tac airport around 1100pm; they arrived at 145 am. When they finally did land they made their way down to the baggage area to all of our open arms and hugs. Just prior to them escaping the gate area an announcement came over the SEA TAC intercom telling everyone that their flight’s luggage would be split up onto two different baggage conveyors. OKIE DOKIE, so no problem, we just have to split up and watch for all of the luggage on two belts right?

WRONG!!!!!! It wasn’t that simple.

We waited along with two hundred other people while baggage circled and circled and circled and circled and circled and circled. Some people took bags off, some didn’t. When it finally occurred to us that nothing new was coming down the conveyor and we hadn’t taken any bags off we decided to visit our friendly local Delta Airlines (sucks) baggage agent.

Well my gosh she was helpful and friendly. She proceeded to hand us a laminated flyer with pictures of various pieces and colors of luggage on it and st arted asking for examples. I have no freakin idea what country she was from, or maybe she had a hairlip or something but she could not communicate well.

She did have a hair lip though…I swear she had a felony moustache going and it was S I C K.

Anyhow, I digress. Once she filed the lost baggage claim she answered a few questions for us like:        

“Do you know where the luggage is?”

“No”

“Do you know when it might be here?

“No”

“Do you deliver it if it gets here”

“Maybe”

“What happens if it doesn’t show up?”

“We will give you 25 dollars for toiletries for one day, then you have to file a claim”

“What did you say?”

(She repeated it but nobody could understand)

“Are you familiar with waxing or electrolysis?”

Then it was her turn

“What did you say?”

No I didn’t really ask that, I had to leave before I pointed at her hairy lip and started laughing. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold it very long.

So the next day we got up and called Delta Airlines (sucks). The friendly (sarcasm) lady on the phone told us we could keep looking on the web for an update by typing in our stupid reference number and checking for updates. Finally around 2 pm the web said they had found it and it was in Seattle. Now mind you, we had slept about two hours in the previous 30 available. My wife, being a little frustrated at the lack of answers or caring showed to us, called Delta Airlines (sucks) again was told who would be delivering it. On that same call she also tried to lodge a formal complaint about the asshole in Atlanta that was rude to her, (thereby confirming the fact that most Male airline ticket agents and flight attendants are femmy bitches), and also to complain about the baggage affair.

The snot that answered the phone finally told her she would give my wife a 50 dollar voucher. My wife then asked her to just apply the 50 dollars back to her credit card.

“No we can’t do that.”

“Why?”

“Because we don’t do that.”

“May I speak to your supervisor?”

“They will just tell you the same thing.”

“I want to hear that from a supervisor.”

“Hold”

Then the bitch sent her to a freakin customer service survey instead of to a supervisor. I was waiting for my wife’s head to explode but it didn’t. I already a rain suit on anticipating the explosion so I complimented her on her poise as I was taking it off.

So then the baggage delivery company called us and left a voice mail for us to call them so they could deliver the bags. Now mind you, my wife and her daughter went together. Each had their bags clearly marked with their different last names and addresses. The baggage guys asked if they could leave the bags on our porch because we were going to be gone at the delivery time so my wife could take me in for an MRI on my knee.

The MRI thing’s a d ifferent story I can’t tell yet, I’m to emberassed at this point.

SO what do you know????We got home and on our porch were two bags. One with my wife’s name, one with her daughter’s name. I was pissed now. I felt an obligation to carry her bags in despite the fact that I can hardly walk. To have to carry one in that didn’t belong to me made me really pissed. To top it off when I got the bags upstairs my wife discovered several areas where Delta Airlines (sucks) ripped the hell out of the sides of her brand new luggage.

Needless to say we got back on the phone. The next freak of nature that answered the phone (I swear they are one step below dollar store employees on the intelligence scale) told us we had 24 hours to take it back to the airport. I very NICELY told her that we live 60 miles away from the airport and she could take her 24 hours and shove it in her ass. Then I asked to speak to a Delta Airlines (sucks) supervisor. I got put on hold. Eventually Haji came back and told me that her supervisor said we have 5 days and she would put that note on our reference number. Yeah that stupid freakin reference number is still coming in mighty handy.

The next day my wife took her daughter’s bags back to her after dropping me off to work. She then returned and picked me up and we drove back to SEA TAC. When we arrived at the Delta Airlines (sucks) baggage claim office there were probably over a hundred bags sitting in front, proudly displaying Delta Airlines’ (sucks) inability to get people and their luggage to the same destination in a timely manner.

We went in, we complained, we got told that zipper pulls weren’t covered becuse they didn’t cover zippers and the FREAKIN RIPPED OUT HOLE on the side was minor dammage. Again we invited another friendly Delta Airlines (sucks) supervisor to come join our conversation.

I have no F ing clue why Delta Airlines (sucks) employs idiots, they should make their minor idiot supervisors their front line employees. Then people like me wouldn’t bypass the morons, we could simply get things straightened out.

Upon the cow coming out and continuing to argue on behalf of her employee (Haji 2) I promptly turned the suitcase over, calmly inserted all of my fingers into the hole and in the actual luggage and calmy said “I CAN PUT MY WHOLE HAND IN THE GODDAMNED HOLE, WHAT DO YOU MEAN MINOR?”

Well eventually she relented and they said they would fix our bag “this” time. I’m thinking ok fine whatever you shrew but there ain’t no next time because I wouldn’t fly Delta Airlines if you put guns to family’s head. Not the dog’s though. If you threaten my dogs then I would do it and come back later to kill you.

So to make a long story boring Delta Airlines (sucks) is making us send the bag to their luggage repair shop. Oh boy though, they will pay the postage but absolutely will not cover repairs unless their shop does the work. Isn’t that illegal for insurance companies to do? It is in Washington ,so where the F do the airlines get off doing it?

Moral of the story…say it with me:

DELTA AIRLINES SUCKS!!!!