I’m near the back of the line to get on the flight. Just before they scan my ticket, a family going first class uses the “elite” short cut so they can get scanned first. There are like 3 people behind me and they have to cut the line? I would have felt like a dickhead if I were them but apparently if you have endless money to throw away you amble through life blissfully unaware of your phallic visage. So the dickhead family and I are standing at the end of this this long line to get on the plane when the attendant comes out and says that all of the overhead bins are full and we have to check our luggage. The problem is that Delta now charges an exorbitant fee to throw your luggage around the runway so everyone brings it on. Plus they have a terrible track record for losing luggage so you’d be stupid to check anything. About a dozen of us are forced to check our bags. We get on the fight and the first class bins are wide open. I guess Delta doesn’t like to mix the stink from steerage with the elites so those overheads will go empty like the lifeboats on the Titanic. I sit in my tiny little seat curled up and broiling like a fiddlehead fern on Iron Chefs. No pillow, they ran out, forgot how many people the plane seats I guess. Maybe the full flight caught them by surprise. My reading light has an electrical short in it so it flashes on and off at random, although now that I think about maybe some poor employee was flashing SOS signals, like, “SOS, get me a better job like garbageman or telemarketer.”

We reach our destination but of course my bag does not. This is Saturday night. Sunday passes, Monday fades away. You have to go online to get a status. There are no numbers to call that are answered by humans, they want you to email them. Really? Finally at 12:15am the phone rings and wakes me out of sound sleep. It is Delta. Your bag is here, can we deliver it tonight? Really? You dick around for more than 2 days and now you want to deliver the bag at midnight? This is not only the worst airline in the world, but probably the worst company in the world. Can’t wait until they go bankrupt again. What bank would loan them money to keep them afloat? What kind of dumbass bankruptcy judge would help them out? I hear that they treat their employees pretty poorly, who would take that? Crabby passengers venting from one end and crappy bosses screwing you on the other side. Delta employees, quit and get your dignity back, it can’t pay enough. I’ll bet there isn’t a single Delta employee who doesn’t have their application in at Southwest.